Friday, January 15, 2016

Yet Again I failed terribly!!

I have given everything I could to achieve the love in his heart. I have learned to enjoy this life with the bitter truths which I can not accept as mine. But to be with him, to make him happy and to get his love. Yet again I failed badly in this examination of my life. I never wanted to see his unhappy face but everyday I'm living with a face of with so much of regret just because of me. Till today, I have done nothing to embrace my selfishness but to give everything to whoever I have loved. This wicked heart is always at fault. It can never understood what I'm going through. I'm tired of this journey of life living without accepted. What all I wish was seeing the smiles in his face but I'm failed again badly. I never thought I could be a cruel face for somebody and I will be letting someone tolerate me just because he promised to be with me. That's not all I have ever asked for. Why did not I have the courage to let him go and make him happy without me. If he would be happy without me, then why I force him to spend this life with me. I never thought I was doing the most selfish thing to him. Whoever he is he has the right to choose someone to bring a smile in his face. Whatever I'm doing for him I know even someone else can do except that love would never spring between us. I have to accept this fact that yet again I failed in love. I have to accept this I don't deserve to be loved except the mercy of someone. I thought he was being cruel to me at times but its his frustration which vent out me.

Life is too short. I have walked this life without anyone to support me. I want to be in love, I want him to see the magic in my eyes which will make him forget the world but yet again I fail terribly to make him feel the love. And I can not force him to be in love with me when his heart says no to it. I know things have gone beyond his control and his every word is hurting me everyday. I could no longer sense those crazy intense emotions in his eyes. Everything has turned to just a mechanical relationship. We are living under a roof with so many compromises, with so many expectations and a past which we tried to hold hard to make the present a place to survive.

Yet again I failed!! With this note I wanted to accept this, no one can love me without judgment, without a price and without a condition. Everything will go someday so as the love I'm holding too tightly today. With this defeat I will fade a goodbye to dream further in this lifetime to be in love again with anything and anyone. I'm tired of this failure. I gave everything in life just to feel the heartbeat of a lover, to see the crazy emotions in his eyes. Yet again I failed terribly to make him fall in love with me.   

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